With apologies to Meredith Wilson...

Folks, we got Trouble
Right here in River City, 
Trouble with a capital T

And that rhymes with E 
And that stands for School.

Why anybody knows that when the government funds education,

That just leads to matriculation, and foreign-ication, 

And we don’t need any of that!

Why ever’ body knows just book learning alone

Can lead to impure thoughts and things.
And most thoughts are impure, just look at me! 
I didn’t have much ed-ju-cay-shun,
And when they tried I didn’t listen,
Didn’t stop me from inheritin’ my wealth! Did it? So There!

An' I used that wealth to buy this job.
An' I can jes sit in front of Congress

Or whatever it was, 

An' jes' be as stupid an’ ignorant as I want, 

And it doesn’t matter at all, does it? 

That’s the value of ed-ju-cay-shun 
And why I’m both in charge and against it.

So don’t tell me you need to know stuff 
To do what you want to. Jes' listen to me.

Jes' win the sperm race an' you’ll be alright, 
You can run big Departments like I do. You'll see!.

So, we got Trouble!
Right here in River City
Is that Trouble with a capital T?
I’m not good at spelling
Didn’t learn that stuff either.
I jes' didn’t have to.
Richer'n Midas Muffler, ya' see?

Say you went to a school with a cardboard cutout of the founder, Instead of a statue?

Don’t tell me you hadn’t a clue!
And you can’t get a job cause you don’t know nothin,
And you still owe the tuition,
If I'd 'a done that, would I come whinin’ to you? 

An' now you sue me, my ed-ju-ca-shun Department 

To claw back tuition from grifters like Trump.
Well I’m hirin' lawyers, an pretty darn good ones.
Shysters are expensive, the ones that are cool.
An I’m not that stupid. I won’t hire bozos,
I won’t hire Nobody that went to your school.

We fund Christian charters that teach just that good book.
That teaches creation, God-fearing and gym.
That Jesus rode rapters, and God smites on the unworthy 

That use brains he give’em and don’t suck up to him.

For-Profits make money and leave poor folks poorer.
And loot public school funds that made college free.
But if folks got ed-ju-ca-ted' by taxes
Then no one's so special for just being wealthy

And who would get jobs they're unfit for,  like me?

Cain’t have that in River City where book learnin' and class learnin' and High ed-
ju-ca-shun just makes a feller too stuck up to get a girl.

Why those are your taxes,
Your hard earned taxes. 
They’re not my taxes.
I’ve got accountants and things.
Lazy Fair, you should know it.
"Buyer Beware" to not blow it.
The owners have spent your tuition on bling.

But you’ve learnt one good lesson,
A life-changing lesson,
The learnin’est lesson that ever you can.
You’ve sent all your money.
To the U, LaVerne and Shirley,
So you’re a big screw-up just like your old man.

Why anybody knows if you go to a school named Trump 

You’re gonna get taken. But with every misspelled diploma you get   

A bad steak and a bottle of snake oil for your limbago.

And another lesson 
From fast talking strangers
Whose praises you’ll sing.
You can make money
A whole lot more money
If, instead of mathematics,
You don’t teach a thing.

That’s right,Trouble
Right here in River City
Trouble with a Capital T
That Rhymes with E
And that stands for School.

And there came this feller, smartass kinda feller,
Claimed he went to some of the better schools,
Name of Harvard and Princeton,

Chicago and Stanford
And those kinda places for big-headed tools.

He thought when you're grifted,
And the government shifted 
Tax payers cash lifted
There should be a law.

Well, ain’t gonna happen. I promise it won't.
Cause rich folk 
confirmed me,

To see that it don’t.

An' all of us just mean to keep it that way.
Cause with ed-ju-ca-shun 
And plain folks that know stuff.
They wouldn't elect us, not ever, would they?

No, We’d have Trouble, 
Right here in River City
Trouble with a T
An’ that rhymes with C and

Not an S for a school.
C stands for smart Citizens,
An' leads to smart Congress
And a real President, like Barak Obama,
Instead of a Con Man, a Liar, a Fool!

Betsy DeVos


The Music Ma'am